SPIES!

It's 2:00 in the morning, and my tired eyes ease me achingly back into inappropriate conciousness. Thud... thud... thud... The darkness fills with the workings of our wall clock, and I shift onto my back in pursuit of nocturnal comfort and a quick return to Neverland. That's when I hear the voices. Through the wall above my head emerges the distinct chattering of another human being. But this is no typical American voice, such as one would expect to hear in the United States of America. No, this voice's undulating currents lacked completely the harmonious rhythm of Spanish. This voice was from ASIA!

This certainly isn't the first time that I've heard an Asian voice above my head in the dark, and for months the inevitable questions had run their courses. Why are Asian persons living next door to me? How long have they been having late night conversations above my head? How can you live next to two people and never meet them? How can you never see them? How come I never even hear their front door open and close next door? How do they eat? Do they not sleep?

Our other neighbor is much more understandable. He listens to loud music very late at night, and his friends speak English and Spanish. I can understand some of the words that come through the wall, though that's generally unfortunate. His door opens and closes. Sometimes I hear clattering in his kitchen. And I even have reason to believe that he sleeps! This is normal human activity in La Habra.

But, no longer do these thoughts, this inexplicable anomaly of urban life, disturb, worry or agrivate me with their unapproachable enigmas. Yesterday Libby and I came to a shocking yet inescapable conclusion. Our next door neighbors are spies! It makes sense! Spies can come and go without making sound! Spies don't need to eat or sleep! Spies are just the kind of person to have their light on when you come home from work! Spies are just the kind of person to be speaking unintelligibly during the late hours of the night!

Now that Libby and I have exposed their clandestine dealings to the CIA, we expect our sleep to be much more restful... at least when our normal neighbor turns off his stupid subwoofer.