Phil Hagelberg writes:

What do you think about the oppression of the geckos that is so prevalent in our culture? What can we do about it?"

Wow, Phil. Thanks for the e-mail. I love to answer hard questions like this one, and I'm sure my readership loves it, too.

Geckos have a special place in our collective consciousness. This is for two reasons: First, they're lizards. As we all know, we were once lizards too. Second, that Geiko direct commercial spokesperson gecko was really cool, and everybody wanted to be like him. I mean, I wanted to be like him because of his ultimate coolness factor.

However, even this special place in our consciousness is not enough to protect the lowly gecko. As he scurries around on the ground people sometimes step on him, and other times they don't. Although I hear that happens less often. The reason for this is geckos are just nasty. Suction cup feet? What's that all about? It's like those toys that stick to the inside of your car window, but it moves. That just freaks me out, and I know it freaks out other people,t oo.

So, I guess I'd ask you: what SHOULD we do about it? It turns out we should actually oppress these geckos more, because they're nasty freaks of nature.

Coincidentally, this same reasoning works for justifying the oppression of the French.

Hopefully that helped, Phil! Send me more e-mails at askruthie@hotmail.com, addressing them "Dear Ruthie" and get them answered! Or you could send it to jrrowley[at]juno.com and address them to me. Either way, something will happen, and I'll bet you like the result.

-Jonathan Rowley