My fortune cookie presented a new idea!

"As the wallet grows, so do the needs."

So deep. We should all take a moment to muse about such deepness. As fathomless as the musty cobwebbed hollow that is my wallet. I must not have many needs.

Of course, lacking money presents another need, which is the need of money.

Reading Blake. Strange stuff.

It would be a very fascinating project to take snapshots of your soul at different points in your life. I wonder what I look like inside of myself now compared to how I looked inside of myself 2 years ago, when I came to Biola.

I think that I am a very different person. I remember having the most fun doing the stupidest things. I remember reacting in certain ways to certain people. I remember other people reacting to me in ways that they no longer do. This must reflect a change in belief sets. I must believe differently now than then.

There are a few questions to ask.

What beliefs changed?
How did they change?
Am I at a better place now than I used to be?

I dunno.

I'll work this sort of thing out over most of my life. This kind of introspection only has a limited scope of affectiveness because where I've come from is less important than where I'm going. The way I have lived the last two years is not the most critical thing. It will be important in affecting future change, but it's no end in and of itself.

Mostly right now I just feel sort of sad. Last night I had a long conversation with a good old friend. We talked from 1-7 in the morning at a Denny's. I don't think I could have listened that long as a Freshman. I don't think I would have had to.

I have always resisted maturity where it would decrease the degree of savour I felt towards life. In some ways I feared that taking responsibility would decrease the joy I took in the activities, people, and toys I enjoyed. This is really a root to a lot of the stupid ways I've kept myself from leaving Never Never Land.

And I wonder if by resisting losing these things at the expense of virtue I lost what I was looking to keep. And I wonder if you can ever get them back.