Word for the Day: demasiado

My grandfather is developing serious heart problems. This is just too much. He had a heart attack years and years ago and ever since his heart has given him trouble. His circulation is weak and he can't even really excersise because of his weak heart. Lately he's been having a shortage of breath, and says that he can't breathe when he's laying down. So he went to Reno and they inserted a pacemaker. But now it doesn't seem to be helping, and so he's giving up. They're discussion a valve replacement surgery, but it's somewhat doubtful he could survive such a difficult surgery. As a doctor, he knows his own chances, and as a pessimist, he's not liking them.

As he's a Christian, we know that he'll be going to heaven, but it's not easy when anybody in your family dies. And this is especially hard on my mother. It can't be easy to almost lose your husband and then to be in danger of losing your father also.

In the end I have a hard time understanding how this could happen right now, how God could cause it to our family at this time. It doesn't make sense in my mind at all. My reason, stretching to its max, straining madly for the unreachable, is unable to perceive the roots, the causes of this kind of event.

And like Job, I cannot know. I can only know that God is Just.

All in all these past few months have been such a mix of fear, pain, sorrow, depression, happiness, hope, joy and love that I cannot quite make sense of experience in any sense. It's all too much.